Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
