They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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