You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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