omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
