if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
