My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
