apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
did you just send me my own nude
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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