I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after