god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.