i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.