hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.