If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions