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I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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