Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
