Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?