I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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