i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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