i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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