Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
