I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
