Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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