Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
