Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
