My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
