i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
