hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
