I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
