Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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