Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
