I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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