If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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