i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
