Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dear god my vagina.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
