Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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