I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
