the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
