She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
