btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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