you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
