i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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