I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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