Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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