If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
