I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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