he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
