My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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