On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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