I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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