saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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