so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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