For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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