We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
