So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
