You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
