my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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