Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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