12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
