I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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