If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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