That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
