you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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