dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
