Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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