Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my shit smells like andre
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
