wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
