I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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