Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
