It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
