I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
