I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i dont even know how to be here
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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