I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
