Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
