The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
