wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
