she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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