ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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