apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
