Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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