Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
