totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
