it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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