Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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