My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
